So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
