So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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