Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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