Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
