yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
