Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
