i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
