girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
