I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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