i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Your cock deserves a montage
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
