My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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