Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
