All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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