Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
