i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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