never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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