There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
