She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
We left an ass print on the piano.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You need Xanax blowdarts
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
