Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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