Just cropdusted the office
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
