You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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