And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
