all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
This can only be settled by a dance off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize