Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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