Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
