this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
