I faked an abortion last night.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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