So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
