True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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