dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
