some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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