when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
