Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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