So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
