We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
