now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize