fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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