Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
