Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize