Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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