Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
