my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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