dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
