I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
