fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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