I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't deserve a penis
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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