I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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