Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Houston, we have a blender
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My breasts were aching with rage.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
