I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
