You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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