i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
