I'm lost and stupid without you.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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