I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
