dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
