i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
