You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
