She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
