My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
The ass gains better be worth it
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