Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
