There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
