did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
She even gives head with a lisp.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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