She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
