he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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