Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
