you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
