i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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