Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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