atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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