theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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