what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
