why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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