So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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