I cockslap morals
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
