Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
