Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We just shotgunned beers for America
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize