I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
