i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
