I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
