i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
