I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Rumble strips road head = magical
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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