Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
