In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
