so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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