High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
