so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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