i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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