census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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