I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
