The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
