She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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