just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
