Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
