and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
