My boss' voice literally gives me gas
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
