he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
