He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
