Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
