So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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